things I hate

now that I'm forty, i no longer have time in my life to suffer fools, gladly or otherwise. I'm on the back nine, so I've got to shed all the baggage and pretense and start talking real. I will indulge myself now by starting with the list of things i hate. During my forties as my estrogen levels plummet, I will become more cantankerous so this list is likely to grow. There might be ten, there may be more victims by the time I'm finished. so just roll with it.

First on my list has got to be Reba McEntire. I know next to nothing about her, never heard her sing past the first line on some award show, but she's got that Down-home twangy thang going on which really bugs me. so i will suffer Reba no longer. She is dead to me.

Next would be Dubya. I voted for him the second time because I figured - stay the course, he's got good people around him that know what they're doing, and John "liveshot" Kerry is a pompous tool. So where's the plan? What the F is the friggin plan, George? Get those kids out of there if you're just winging it. enough said about that.

I hate people who don't like Howard Stern but have never listened to his show. now that he's on Sirius you've got to pay to hear him, and I've been a proud subscriber since day 1, but people think I'm some sort of freak for paying for it. I met another mom at lacrosse who listens to Howard and it was like our dirty little secret. Loosen up people - Howard's a genius.

I hate drivers who go slow in the fast lane and won't move over. I hate that there is traffic now before 6 am - where did you all come from?

I hate No Child Left Behind as for my child it means: No Child Pushed Ahead. Its teaching to the lowest common denominator. Kids, let's all wait for Joey to figure it out before we move on. Just love hearing how great my son is helping out other kids who don't get it, but sorry, that's not his job. How about giving him something a bit more challenging? Just a thought.

I hate that MTV keeps sucking me in with real world road rules challenges. I don't want to care about these people, but i do. I hate Wes and can't wait for someone to shut him up. I don't hate Beth but I love that everyone else does. How the hell old is Beth anyway? I bet her 4-0 is looming. And Kina needs to get a real job and stop making these shows so friggin serious - "If I go, I know Cara will make a great Captain". Get a grip Kina, you're mud wrestling for coconuts, not curing cancer.

I hate hate hate the New York Yankees. This hate started in my basement in 1978 when Bucky (rhymes with &*^%$) Dent tore my 11 year old heart out after an amazing Sox comeback to tie for the postseason. This hate of pinstripes grew all though the 80s and 90s with your friggin world series runs and 1818 chants. Roger Clemens is a traitor, Zim is the devil and Grady Little is possessed. I thought 2004 would heal all these wounds, and then you take Johnny Damon and make him cut his hair! You are dead to me Yankees.

I hate that there are 10 Law and Order and CSIs hogging up the TV schedule. It's cutting into my reality TV time. How about Law and Order my Daddy knew someone to get me off - that's more like reality. Give me COPS straight up any day.

I hate that my family has spun into separate orbits in the last few years since my Dad died. Do you really need a written invitation to come for Christmas dinner, because I don't - I want to see everyone and just need to know what to bring. Does it really matter who called who a douchebag - we used to laugh at that word. Let's get it together ladies!

Just a few more:
Star Jones
Paris Hilton (Nicole I like you)
wrapping presents
Being called Ma'am by "Jeremy" in some call center in India
UPS - why the hell don't you deliver on the weekends, especially around Christmas


that feels better.