a very little green eyed monster

So recently I learned that my close friend from high school (and ergo fellow recent big 4-0 sufferer) is pregnant. This will be her third child, and her other 2 are like 8 and 11 years old. This was a big surprise, she is very happy and all is going well. I am happy for her of course, but honestly I can say that part of me may also be a little jealous too.

We've been blessed with only 1 child, and haven't managed to have another though we never stopped trying. We also never underwent any fertility procedures to do anything about it. There have been some health issues that have taken priority which thank God seem to be behind us now.

so now why am I feeling this little bit of envy? I had resigned myself that we were too old to start again, its risky after 40, the age gap with Casey would be too big, etc. But are these really reasons or just things we've told ourselves to avoid feeling disappointed. I know that if we had a similar surprise, none of these issues would even be on the table.

tick tock, time is moving on - so I think we need to figure out what we really want and see a specialist to make things happen, or agree that our family is complete just the way it is right now.