What I like about me

This is a tough one. They always say you've got to love yourself first - I'm talking the physical self here, not the personality, brains or spirit that make us whole. Just the body itself - gotta pick sides, name names, single out the good from the bad. When you're about to make a change, it helps to take inventory and see where you're starting from. So here goes - starting from the bottom and moving on up.

feet - on a whole I like them, they are small and cute. Others in my family liken them to Oscar Mayer cocktail franks attached to duck fins, but that's their hangup, not mine.

legs - lets just skip these - family curse - the worst trait. The best thing I can say is that they are extremely sturdy -ligaments and joints will wear out long before these mighty cedars give way. Look up cankles and you'll find me.

arse - big, flat, white. permanent granny panties. moving on folks.

torso - I do like my curves - although they have more like become treacherous, embanked hairpin turns in the last few years. I have the zaftig remains of the hourglass of my youth. But both Dr Oz and I agree too much belly going on here.

breastesess - My girls are my thing. Pointy torpedos right up there in your face like Jane Russell in her 18 hour bra. Right off the Some Girls album cover.

shoulders - thanks to swim team I never needed shoulder pads - I carried the east german swimmer look off like Ludmilla Drago in Rocky IV.

arms - upper arm flab , lower arm cankles as well. Small hands, bad nails. a mixed bag.

neck - if your boobs touch your chin, then technically, do you really even have a neck?

face/head - such a pretty face. Heard that alot growing up. no wrinkles, small nose, nice eyes. I think my best thing going. However the recent arrival of chin hair is quite alarming.

ears - very small, don't stick out at all. Keepers.

hair - still got lots of it. and lets just say over the years there has been a permanent and distinct mismatch between the rug and the curtains as I have stayed with the golden color of my youth. Been coloring since my first grey appeared in high school.

overall assessment - a big friggin mess. Gotta strip away this protective layer of pounds and be willing to be accepted or rejected for what's inside. Bring on the New Year.